The bug flew too high, and I jumped too short, and we shall never speak of this again. Curtains are for climbing. Bring you a gift, it is dead. Make biscuits on the blanket. Chatter at window bird plot revenge groom aggressively fall asleep mid-groom.
In a rare moment of vulnerability I climbed onto your lap, kneaded my little biscuits, purred until I dribbled, and permitted you to believe, for eight uninterrupted minutes, that I need you, before departing without explanation. Judging you silently. I have hidden in a place so clever that you have not found me and I cannot now get out. I knocked the glass off the table while maintaining direct eye contact, because it was important you saw. Zoomies at 3am.
Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, zoomies at 3am, chatter at the birds through the glass, groom aggressively for ten minutes, then fall asleep mid-groom in an undignified position. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, knead the blanket into biscuits, purr like a small motor, drool a little from the joy of it, and refuse to acknowledge the drool ever occurred. Wake human at 4am for breakfast, refuse breakfast, demand different breakfast. I knocked on the door with one paw like a tiny landlord, and I expect prompt service. Nap. Repeat.
Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, demand food at dawn, ignore the food when it arrives, sit in the empty box the food came in, and judge you for the rest of the afternoon. Meow means everything. Yours, obviously. The two-hundred-pound cat tree is decoration; the cardboard box it arrived in is my true home. The bowl is empty-ish.
The box chose me. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, hide under the bed, ambush the human ankle, sprint down the hallway at top speed for no reason, and act completely normal the moment anyone looks. The radiator is warm, so the radiator is where I live now, goodbye. The chair is technically yours, but I was here first, and possession is the entire law. The heating vent breathes warm air, so I have parked myself directly on top of it, forever.
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