The vacuum emerged from the cupboard, and I have relocated to the top of the wardrobe indefinitely. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, zoomies at 3am, chatter at the birds through the glass, groom aggressively for ten minutes, then fall asleep mid-groom in an undignified position. The two-hundred-pound cat tree is decoration; the cardboard box it arrived in is my true home. Ignore the expensive toy. The paper bag rustled once, and I have not known peace since.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The cucumber appeared behind me and I have relocated to the ceiling, thank you. I regret nothing, ever. I sit just out of reach and blink slowly, which is the most affection you will get today. I brought a leaf in from the garden, carried it proudly across the whole flat, presented it to you on the good rug, and your complete failure to celebrate this achievement has been noted and will be remembered. I stare at the wall because there is something there, and only I can see it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sit on the keyboard. Meow. Wake human at 4am for breakfast, refuse breakfast, demand different breakfast. There is a spider on the ceiling, and I have been tracking it for two hours with the intensity of a trained assassin, chattering my jaw and preparing to strike, and I will do absolutely nothing about it whatsoever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I brought the sock to you as tribute, and you took the sock, and now we are enemies. Catnip changes everything. I sit in the exact centre of the doorway so that everyone must acknowledge me to pass. The vet was a betrayal so profound that I have added the entire car to my list of enemies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sniff the food, walk away, return, sniff again, decline, wait by the bowl anyway. The dog approached my bowl, so the dog has been warned, firmly, with a paw. Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, demand food at dawn, ignore the food when it arrives, sit in the empty box the food came in, and judge you for the rest of the afternoon. Feed me, human.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The vacuum emerged from the cupboard, and I have relocated […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9170,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"single-book-review","format":"standard","meta":{"cozy_book_review_cover_id":9170,"cozy_book_review_book_title":"The Innocence of Father Brown","cozy_book_review_book_author":"G.K. Chesterton","cozy_book_review_rating":3,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cozy-mystery","category-mystery"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9103"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9103\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/9170"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/littlethemeshop.com\/storyclub\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}